Yesterday I encountered the vilest women of my life. There I was sitting by the beach with a friend deep in conversation when she made herself reality by she strutting in a rather eccentric manner down the boardwalk. It didn’t take her long to sit in the only other chair in the entire area (if you don’t count the 20 odd kilometres of beach front with chairs) and it took her even longer to interrupt us mid conversation. I was talking about a friend who studies psychology and another who is particularly good at maths somehow this was her cue to interject. I’m just going to leave you with a few of her personal beliefs and philosophies…Enjoy!

Alcohol

“Don’t mind me I’m fuckin’ topped. Want a beer? *Pulls beer out of her bag*”

Psychology

“It’s all just a fucking bullshit money making scheme isn’t it. They just tell you stuff and make you buy tablets. She (referring to my friend) can’t be too smart cos psychology is bullshit”

Agriculture

“Oh it’s just fucked the things they end up having to do is awful. I spent a lot of time in trucks hitch hiking around Australia and some of the things I’ve seen you wouldn’t believe”

Banking

“Arseholes foreclosing on our farmers” – Upon finding out my friend was a banker “Oh i’m so sorry if I offended you.”

Men (mainly me)

“Oh look at this guy thinks he’s the man” referring to me sitting up straight???

“I thought women gossiped but i quickly noticed when I caught rides with truck drivers that they’re the gossipers. Probably cos they’re all sad and lonely.” – referring to me talking about friends of mine (like gushing over their intellect is bad)

“Oh luv he’s not checking me out it’s alright he doesn’t want a 47 year old” – On me looking out at the paddle boarders (???????)

Astrology

“What are you dear? Oh a Pisces, surprising you did banking…” – To me “And what are you?” ..”Leo”…”Well that just fucking says it all doesn’t it.”

Breaking The Law – As we walked away

“Oh did I scare you off…You’re gonna call the cops on me aren’t you. Drinking in public, just another $750 fine to pay. Don’t you call the cops! Please! Don’t!…mumble…mumble…mumble…mumble..”

Parenting

“I had my children young, but my kids don’t want a bar of having kids. They’re not interested, it’s weird”

And several more extremely rude things in between all of that. I just don’t understand how a person intoxicated or not can be such a prick is beyond me. In hindsight it was highly entertaining and she clearly wasn’t all there, but at the time it was infuriating.  I can’t complain as she makes a fantastic character to write about. Crazy sells.